Dear Sister,
I told myself I was going to go to bed about 30 minutes ago. I am so exhausted and I know that I am going to hate myself in the morning because of my lack of sleep. I was thinking about friends from Silverado and how they were doing. Particularly Emily McGowan. Do you remember her? It breaks my heart to think of my friends who are so dear to me, and yet who I haven't kept in contact with. Most of them I put so much of me into being their friend and I just want the absolute best for them. Sister Spencer told me Will Tyson is inactive. I am so sad. HA do you remember him? Probably not as much as I do but I used to have a crush on him. I was such a funny boy crazy little girl.
I went to a great fireside tonight. It was about preparing for missions and although it didn't apply to me it was wonderful! I am always realizing things that I need to do better! Sister, some of my favorite people spoke. Craig C. for example. But It was great to hear about his mission and I had a thought that he may actually be a decent person now. It don't think that he and I will ever be best friends but I am......I don't quite know how to articulate it. I am learning to let go of the resentment I had for him for so long and for really no good reason. It's great to grow up and get over yourself.
Now that it is so late I am going to say good night and go write to our brother.
Muah!
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Sunday, April 22, 2007
My Rock
Well,
Due to comments from my sister, I am sitting here staring at the screen trying to write a blog. I opened this blog mostly intending to be a replacement for my myspace account I canceled because it was controlling my life! I felt that it was taking to much of my time and energy that desperately needed to be used on other things......like homework. Now I feel that Homework is controlling my life and I am not taking the time to keep up this blog to my sister's satisfaction.
So my Dear Sister,
I am taking a break to write just for you! I don't know what I will say because I am not as deep and thoughtful as you are at this time. I feel that my thoughts are always consumed with worry about how I am going to get everything done that I need to and still fit in work, Church, and sleep. I've decided that I need to become more disciplined. Satan really does know how to get me too! Whenever he wants to get me to not focus on what I need to he always throws a boy in the mix! LOL What is my problem Sister?
In my struggle to keep my head above water this semester with school, getting money for El Salvador, training and preparing for El Salvador, Working, Fulfilling my calling, getting ready for EFY, boys, and etc, I have had some deep thoughts and learned a few things. Sister, I am really trying hard to better myself and become the woman that Heavenly Father wants me to be, but even thinking of that really makes me overwhelmed! I start to think of that on top of everything else and it makes me want to lay down and cry. I know however that that is what I should be doing first and then things will work out. And who knows, this hectic life that I am leading is possibly training for becoming the woman Heavenly Father has planned for me to become.
So many times I find myself feeling so intimidated by the thought of spiritual growth and development. My spirit aches for it and I try to fill the need while being held back by my huge fear of the weakness that comes before becoming stronger. I know that I am a strong woman who has had a lot of life experience. I have made it through so many things that have turned out to be huge tutorials with heavenly father. But Sister, the subject for the most recent tutorial has been quite the challenge for me. It is something that you learned to do on your mission and it is something that you will not be surprised is a struggle for me. The most recent topic of study has been the need for me to surrender control of my life and be humble and patient.
I know that it will be a huge step for me and a great thing for me to learn! I only hope that I can actually get it through my thick skull the first time! I miss you quite a bit and grew way to accustomed to having you right down the hall when I needed support! I am so grateful for the way your have cared for me and loved me and helped to shape me into who I am today. I know that Heavenly Father has answered many of my prayers through my wonderful big sister. I have so many wonderful recent memories of you sitting next to me when I needed a hand to hold or just listening as I bawled my eyes out and telling you my latest trouble! I haven't always shown it but I've always looked up to you. Remember the story mom tells of when she took us to get our picture taken and I bawled and bawled until my big sister held me? Some times I still feel that way. All I want is for my big sister to be there and to know that she is behind me and proud of me. Thank you! I love you and don't know what I would do without you! Good night!
Love,
Your Little Sister
Due to comments from my sister, I am sitting here staring at the screen trying to write a blog. I opened this blog mostly intending to be a replacement for my myspace account I canceled because it was controlling my life! I felt that it was taking to much of my time and energy that desperately needed to be used on other things......like homework. Now I feel that Homework is controlling my life and I am not taking the time to keep up this blog to my sister's satisfaction.
So my Dear Sister,
I am taking a break to write just for you! I don't know what I will say because I am not as deep and thoughtful as you are at this time. I feel that my thoughts are always consumed with worry about how I am going to get everything done that I need to and still fit in work, Church, and sleep. I've decided that I need to become more disciplined. Satan really does know how to get me too! Whenever he wants to get me to not focus on what I need to he always throws a boy in the mix! LOL What is my problem Sister?
In my struggle to keep my head above water this semester with school, getting money for El Salvador, training and preparing for El Salvador, Working, Fulfilling my calling, getting ready for EFY, boys, and etc, I have had some deep thoughts and learned a few things. Sister, I am really trying hard to better myself and become the woman that Heavenly Father wants me to be, but even thinking of that really makes me overwhelmed! I start to think of that on top of everything else and it makes me want to lay down and cry. I know however that that is what I should be doing first and then things will work out. And who knows, this hectic life that I am leading is possibly training for becoming the woman Heavenly Father has planned for me to become.
So many times I find myself feeling so intimidated by the thought of spiritual growth and development. My spirit aches for it and I try to fill the need while being held back by my huge fear of the weakness that comes before becoming stronger. I know that I am a strong woman who has had a lot of life experience. I have made it through so many things that have turned out to be huge tutorials with heavenly father. But Sister, the subject for the most recent tutorial has been quite the challenge for me. It is something that you learned to do on your mission and it is something that you will not be surprised is a struggle for me. The most recent topic of study has been the need for me to surrender control of my life and be humble and patient.
I know that it will be a huge step for me and a great thing for me to learn! I only hope that I can actually get it through my thick skull the first time! I miss you quite a bit and grew way to accustomed to having you right down the hall when I needed support! I am so grateful for the way your have cared for me and loved me and helped to shape me into who I am today. I know that Heavenly Father has answered many of my prayers through my wonderful big sister. I have so many wonderful recent memories of you sitting next to me when I needed a hand to hold or just listening as I bawled my eyes out and telling you my latest trouble! I haven't always shown it but I've always looked up to you. Remember the story mom tells of when she took us to get our picture taken and I bawled and bawled until my big sister held me? Some times I still feel that way. All I want is for my big sister to be there and to know that she is behind me and proud of me. Thank you! I love you and don't know what I would do without you! Good night!
Love,
Your Little Sister
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