testing, testing, is this thing on?

Dear family, friends, and stalkers,
      It seems to me that when I need to use my time wisely the most it actually happens the least. I have so much to do and yes, I only checked one thing off my list today. This month of December has FLOWN by while jam packed with big exciting events. There have been temple trips, birthdays, graduations, weddings, and silliness all before Christmas! It's late and I am too tired to write about them all (they each deserve their own post). Therefore ladies and germs I give you:

My life according to a camera phone!

"I love to see the temple!"

Me and my fellow camera hog!

Someone stole my camera! But secretly I love it!

My office Before

My office after (still in progress. I've spent less then $100 and it feels good!)

Happy Birthday Rachel J!

The graduate

All you need is love!

Wait what? You miss Tressa? Me Too!

I found this while cleaning Tressa's room. It cracks me up! Yep. She really did send herself a postcard to remind her to change the sheets. What the?

And for your viewing pleasure Thanksgiving wishes to our current favorite Sister Missionary. Yep....I didn't have any makeup and my hair is wet.

Music Monday

This song is what I have been listening to for the last few the last few days. Whenever I start to feel down or sorry for myself I quickly turn on Happy by Never Shout Never to combat the feeling. Actually I listen to this song all the time! It is one of my favorite love songs. Much more my style. I can not listen to this song with out smiling and singing along at the top of my lungs. It just makes me....Happy!

Everyone needs a happy song. And if this song doesn't work I turn pull out the big guns! I turn on The Cuppy Cake Song. No one-I don't care who you are- NO ONE can listen to this song and not smile. Happy Smiling!

I believe in being strong

Disclaimer: This post is just for me to vent. You see, my regular therapist decided to up and leave to California for 18 months to go save souls and help people. Really? REALLY?! And so my dear blog, I turn to you. To the readers of this blog, don't stress. I am ok. I just need to vent. 

The last few months I have been completely and utterly overwhelmed with life. I feel like I am not living. I am just surviving. My mind set has been focused on just getting through the week. When Sunday night comes I think, “It’s time to start it all over again already?” I don't know what exactly has changed except I feel more stressed, more tired, and everything is so much harder for me to handle. The adversary is also working hard on me. He seems to  be pointing out all my weaknesses regularly, making my goals seem so unachievable. I am tired and it's been rough. 

I keep thinking, Deborah just keep pushing through until graduation. You can make it. Things will get easier and you will have more time. But lets be honest folks. I hear things only get busier and faster paced as life goes on. If that's really the case I say, "Stop the bus! I am going back home to bed".

Yes it is true. Life is hard for me right now but let me tell you I am grateful (or at least trying to be). First, I am sure that Heavenly father is just preparing me for something better later on down the line. He has to be. And the second, he still sends me tender mercies to show me that he knows who I am. For example, Sunday on a whim I decided to go with Amy to a singles ward in northern Virginia. It's like a mini Provo on the east coast. The thought of going usually makes me want to gag myself with a spatula. But I sucked it up and drove the hour down there. My mind wandered as I sat through the meetings. Then after church there was a girl who came up to Amy and me and asked us to tell her our life stories. Amy went first. Then this girl said "Yep! That's what I thought you would say. I have a sense about people and I can usually tell what kind of people they are". It was my turn and I told her there really wasn't much to me. I was going to grad school for social work and that was about it. She said, "I knew it! I didn't know exactly what you were doing like I did with Amy, but I knew that you are a really kind and caring person. People come to you and there is healing." I don't know exactly how true it is, but I'd like to think she had me down. I feel like Heavenly Father was working through her to remind me that he still knows me and to hang in there.

Again, this week has been rough. It has brought new challenges as is typical with each week. I cried, I vented, and then I picked myself up to keep going. My adjustment to the different things this last semester has brought is not over, but I know it will all be ok. Heavenly Father has already stilled and comforted my heart. 

In my office I have two quotes by Audrey Hepburn. I love Audrey Hepburn. They inspire me and I hope they inspire my clients. (That's why I have them in my office). The first one says,

"NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. THE WORD ITSELF SAYS 'I'M POSSIBLE'."

The second one is on my desk and I look at it often. It pretty much sums up my philosophies on life.

“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.”

Whenever I read "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong...I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles" it reminds me that even though life is kind of rough right now, I can do it. 
 

Dear Deborah,

Stop being a baby! Stop complaining! And stop taking Facebook breaks! Suck it up and go write your paper! Remember, it's worth 40% of your grade.

Love,
Your GPA

PS. GET OFF BLOGGER TOO!

10 Things that make me happy.

When life seems to be always moving it is so easy to get distracted and caught up in the rush. I know that is an all to often occurrence for me. I begin to think about the next thing I have to do or meeting I have to attend. And then, when I am in that meeting I am thinking about my to do list and mentally adding more things to accomplish then is humanly possible. I mean I am good and I know it, but I am not that good. ;) This kind of life makes it hard to live in the present and enjoy the here and now.

 Everyone has been talking about Elder Uchtdorf's General relief society talk. Yes, it was good. Yes, it was historic. And yes, it was exactly what I needed to hear on that very day. I needed to be reminded by an apostle of the Lord to be patient with myself, to be happy now, and that my heavenly father loves me. He spoke about a few other things and for those of you who missed it, here is a highlight from his talk that summarizes the whole thing. Enjoy!



And in the spirit of being happy now, here is a list of things that have made me happy this week.

1. Hearing my name said by anyone one of those six boys. I love that they know my name and I love that they want to say some thing to ME! I taught Mr. Super when I ask, "Who's the best?" to say, "Deborah's the best" and I love it! Really having them come up and sit next to me makes me happy and helps me be in the moment cuz they are just so great!

2. I love watching and listening to my clients figure out their own problems and accomplish things that move them forward. I have one girl in particular who when we begin our session becomes her own therapist. She literally will answer the exact question I had just opened my mouth to ask before I ask it. I think she just needs a couch to sit on, but it is wonderful and it makes me SO happy!

3. I love love love getting letters from Tressa! I don't think I have one letter that I haven't started laughing after the first two sentences. Seriously. It is the highlight of my week.

4. Talking to Rachel about...School and the ACT and how great she is doing makes me happy. I love building a relationship with her.

5. Getting calls from a friend who just wants/needs to talk makes me happy. I love that she knows she can and feels comfortable enough calling me to tell me about her life. I love making and having girl friends! I don't have as many close girl friends as I do close guy friends but I treasure them greatly!

6. Feeling the spirit and getting explanations for certain questions I have makes me happy. I finally have a little bit of clarity!

7. Driving alone at night to a friend's house makes me happy. It takes me back to days with less responsibility and worry.

8. Feeling fall coming on makes me happy. To me, it is a very romantic time of year. I think it's the one time I feel particularly mushy.

9. Learning I am going to go back to El Salvador in January! Oh yes, this is going to be great!

10. Chillen with the rents makes me happy as well. (holy moly! I haven't heard or used that term in a loooong time!) I really do like them. I like that I am an adult and have a more developed frontal lobe to help me realize.....they do know what they are talking about and they are people I can relate to. Take that human behavior 101! I did learn a thing or two!

What makes you happy? Stop and think about it!

A happy thought

How can you not smile at a face like that? Seriously!

Look Mom! I'm a big kid now!

It's been a few weeks since the semester has started and I have decided I need to find one of those people who wakes up before you leave to work to make you breakfast and lunch. And then when you leave they do your laundry, run your errands, and have dinner on the table by the time you get home. What are they called again?.....oh yeah! A wife! oh boy....I don't know if that is going to work out for me.

I started my internship at Family and Children's Services of Central Maryland as a therapist last week. And I started meeting with clients without shadowing this week! (I was totally on my own! I should say client. I've only seen one. There will be three more next week.) It seems like it's been much longer since our first session, but maybe that is because of all the studying I have had to do on my client's specific issue. Tonight as I came home I caught a glimpse at myself in the mirror.

I was bringing home all my notes from work to read over so I can create a treatment plan over the weekend. Yep. All those papers, notebooks, and books are for one client. Well the word of the Lord is for me, but how can you really get far and help much with out it, right?

When I saw my reflection I thought...Actually, first I thought, "You're a hot mess." But then I thought, "Wow! You're actually doing it! You're the real thing!" Well kind of. I feel like I have at least moved up to pull ups. One step away from being all on my own. It's all a matter of time before I will be wearing big girl panties! Who would have thought huh?

Videos for Grandma

In August I took two weeks to go to Colorado, Utah, and Idaho. It was busy trip! While there I visited friends, dropped Tressa off at the MTC, spoke at the Families supporting adoption conference, played with my nephew, Sold grandpa's toys (well....I tried), explored caves, discovered abandoned houses and mills in the forests of south eastern Idaho, discovered there were forests in south eastern Idaho, went to court with my old probation buddies, etc!! Then I came home and went straight to work and school. I feel like I haven't been able to catch my breath! There are so many people who I need to email, mail things too, and return messages for. If you are one of those people, I am SO sorry. I actually run down the list of what I need to send to whom every day, hopefully get one done, get stressed out, and do something else. Don't worry, it's coming! However, there was a request for me to post some of the pictures and videos I took of my MES. I took hundreds of pictures! Don't worry, I wont submit you to them. But here are just a few videos of the quality nephew time I got in.

This video cracks me up every time I watch it. It's one of those "you have to be there" type things but I am still posting it. Imagine me sitting at my sister's house on a Sunday afternoon. To me Sundays mean excitement. To me Sundays mean busy. To me Sundays never have a dull moment. To me Sundays mean the 6 boys family! At my sister's house Sundays are quiet. At my sister's house Sundays mean just Mark, Liz, and MES. I love them....but I was bored out of my mind. So this is how I got a little entertainment.

Then This next video was after my aunt and uncle had taken Tressa, Me, and Liz out to dinner. (They sure are good people). They had to make a quick stop before going home and the MES was a MESS! He was so tired and cranky we were doing anything we could to keep him from screaming. Finally we found something that worked! Peek-a-boo.

Marriage. Marriage is what brings us together (errr....or apart) today.

To keep with the theme of my last two posts I'll just start out with, God answers prayers. Then I will add the old cliche, (say it together everyone) Be careful what you pray for! This latest prayer answered is actually a good thing but it kind of stinks a little bit.

A strange thing has been happening to me. I have been making and receiving a lot less phone calls. Not to mention skype calls. I have a theory. (Sorry to those of you who have already heard said theory). You see for the last....eh....6 or 7 years I have had my own army of knights in shinning armor. They are my good good friends (usually male) who are ready and willing to ride in and save the day what ever the circumstance. All I need to do is call and for the most part I have their undivided attention. Oh how I have been blessed with good friends. I really am a lucky girl. At different times through out the years my army has changed sizes as warriors have joined ranks and others have moved on to new adventures. Generally, however, it has consisted of the same knights and their trusty steeds. This cavalry of friends is really good at fulfilling pretty much all of my emotional needs. If I need to vent, cry, cheer, or laugh I can call any one of my dear friends and it does the trick.

My theory is a two parter.

The first part is that I have become so accustom and comfortable with my life and my cavalry of friends taking care of me that I haven't had much of a desire to look in other places (i.e. a romantic relationship) that would force me to be vulnerable or commit in order to have my needs met. I mean really. Why would I do that? These people know just about EVERYTHING about me and I can say whatever comes to my mind and they love me just the same. Who wouldn't want to stick with that?(and just to set the record straight, I am talking emotional needs. Not the "needs" some of you may think of....keep it clean people. keep it clean!)

Well here's the second part of my theory. Last April at general conference when the brethren kind of came down on the young priesthood for putting off important things like...uh...ehem...marriage. There. I said it. I felt a little of that chastisement as well. Although I don't hold the priesthood, I may be guilty of enjoying my single young adulthood a little to much. Yes, some times I get lonely and think it'd be nice to get married, but for the most part I am happy with life. As I listened to the prophet's voice I thought, "but I don't really have the desire or motivation to get married". So I decided to pray. That's what always gets me in trouble. Kidding! **looking up to the heavens**

Anyway, I decided to pray for a desire to get married. After that, I decided to be more open to dating, blind dates, and the like. (If there is interest I wil post a little more about those blind dates in future posts. LOL or maybe I should say HOHOHO!) I have struggled a bit and may have lost sight at times of my goal but heavenly father had his own plan to answer my prayer in the works. Suddenly those members of my army I talked about before....yep. Those friends who gave me their attention whenever I needed it started to, well, allow their attention to be diverted.

You know how on those action movies there's are a list of secret agents and one by one they have the red letters over their pictures saying TERMINATED? Yeah, it's kind of like that. 

 

All worthy things to divert these friend's attention. I am actually happy for every single one of them. Getting back to the theory, Heavenly Father is removing every last thing or person that may be holding me back. Tricky tricky.

Who's left in my little army? Just me. Is that desire I prayed for coming? Little by little maybe. But until then I am trying this suit of armor on for size to come to my own rescue when need be!



What do you think?
I guess we will see what happens in the future. Do I think I will get married right away? Probably not. I still have at least a year or so in me, but I have made a few goals. The first one is to be a little more open with that facet of my life. So that means I will keep you better updated......(Maybe. This is gonna be a hard goal for me). The other goal is to embrace romance and all it's mushiness a little better.

You see, I am NOT a romantic. Yes I get twitterpated when a guy I am dating does something sweet for me, but when it starts getting to ooey gooey I get really uncomfortable! When it is clear a man is trying to be more romantic to win my affections I sometimes panic. I am going to get over that. I also am going to try to be a little more mushy my self. I realized when talking to a trusted friend that I have a really hard time saying mushy things. It is all because I hate to be in situations where I lead people on. And romantic situations are definitely in that category. OK. enough of that. I am going to be better. The end.

So the moral of the story? My phone bill is going to be AWESOME! Oh. And always floss. You never know when you are going to have to flash those pearly whites. (Don't judge. It's 2 AM)

I am sitting in my room blogging on my adoption blog and I heard one of my favorite noises so I had to stop and share.

It is something that always makes me smile when I hear it. The house is usually still and quiet like the calm before a storm and then all of a sudden there is the sound of a herd of unknown animals above my head running from the door to the refrigerator followed by the cheers of 6 boys and then westling and runnning. Usually I jump up to greet my favorite visitors but this visit was unexpected to me and I had a few plans. (Ehem, you wouldn't know by the fact that am still unshowered in my pajamas at 1:30). But I know if I go up stairs I wont get a thing done. So here I sit finishing my blog posts before I go hug and play with my favorite sunday visitors. 

 

(I wish I had pictures of the other boys on Tressa's computer, but this is all I've got!)

BAHAHA I was about to hit publish when I heard a thud right above my head sounding like it was going to come through my ceiling on me. Heck with it. I am going upstairs!

The Lord really does love me!

After reading the following email all I have to say is neener neener!

Bishops,

Due to the upcoming weather conditions, we are cancelling Sunday church services for all units in the Columbia Maryland Stake.  Please encourage members to be safe and hold a devotional as a family on Sunday.  As discussed, once the storm passes, please report to me how your members weather the storm, conditions of missionaries in your unit, and the condition of the meetinghouse.  This storm may provide a great opportunity to serve others.

Thank you.

James Mitchell

And here's a picture of milo and me to celebrate my canceled talk!! YEHAW!

Thank heavens for rain!

I am laying in bed thinking that I have to write my latest tender mercy from the Lord down. Since I am to lazy to get out of bed and my cell phone is right here, you blog readers get the pleasure of hearing about this simple answer to prayer.

It is a well known fact that I am ALWAYS busy. (But really now a days who isn't?) Usually I am able to handle all that I take on, but there are times I find myself on over load. Tonight just happened to be one of them.

I have a lot to do in the next two days and I knew it is impossible. I got ready for bed tonight and started saying my prayers asking for heavenly father to help me be able to slow down a little bit. No sooner did I get off my knees and read my emails did I find the answer to my prayers. I had been put in charge of the activities for the ward party on Saturday and the chairmen of the committee were expecting great things. Was I ready? No. Had I even thought about it in the last few weeks? No. I had been out town and it was the last thing on my mind. I am working all day tomorrow playing catch up from my trip and then the very next morning the festivities were scheduled. There was no way they were getting done. But when I checked my email, there was one sent at the same time I ended my prayer that said the ward activity had been canceled.

One more reason to love the rain!

It's a silly little thing but a huge relief for me and tender mercy from the Lord.

Now, if he'll find a way for me to get out of my sacrament meeting talk.....

yum

Recently, many people people have tried to "nonchalantly" mention I should get a man. It was only until this moment that I decided I might agree with them. I need an ice cream sandwich and don't think I really want to move right now.

Bye Bye Baby

Well, I knew it had to end but I hoped my sister and her husband would just leave cute little Milo when they went home. But I guess they like him so they are taking him home tomorrow. It was a lot of fun having them here! I seriously have 270 pictures of the MES from the last 8 days. I love love loved hanging out with Elizabeth so much. We talked and laughed and shopped and just hung out. It was nice. Here are some fun pictures of their visit......Sorry there is not a lager variety of members of the family featured in these pictures.

Loving shopping with the baby.

Happy 4th of July!

I swear the whole city came to watch the fireworks at the lake front. I hear they were awesome but I was to busy taking pictures of the baby to notice.

Milo's first time watching fireworks. Eventually his parents removed their hands from his ears and he did just fine.

The whole reason for the trip. (Congratulations Tressa! We love you!)

Milo loves his Aunt Tressa

Yep, I was the Aunt who fed him a crayon. I think he loved it. And Mark, if they were toxic children would not be allowed to use them in the first place. So there!

He picked that shirt out all on his own. I swear! (if you can't read it it says "my aunt is awesome")

Not a fan of sunscreen.

My beautiful Sister Rachel and I at six Flags

The swingers! We were the brave ones who rode the flying carousel. The flying carouselers just doesn't have the same ring to it.

At the six flags water park.

The coolest baby on the block!

He's a natural!

Family picture time!

My mother's quick snap shot after our awesome photographer took her pictures.

And who could forget Doug and the raccoon?

We had a great visit! I probably could have split all these pictures up and did a post on each activity but it's late, I'm tired, and you are probably grateful for that.

FINALLY!

Saturday was the day! I finally met my cute little nephew after five months. I pretty much adore him. My sister and her hubby are out here visiting for the next few days and because the babysitting fee would be ridiculous, they decided to bring the MES along. He took one look at me and started screaming bloody murder! Yeah, I think this is the start of something beautiful!