Home

The typical question from someone trying to make conversation lately is, "How is it being home?" Well let me tell you!

It feels good to be home! I am so grateful that after all my journeys and all of my adventures, I always know that I have an anchored place to return to. I can't tell you the comfort I feel every time I come home to the welcoming arms of people who love me and know who I am. And I am not just talking about my family. In my head I am picturing the faces of people in my community who make coming home so wonderful. Faces who when I look around and see at church I know I am home and safe. I know they really know me and they support me and I like that. There are times we've had our differences and there are times I wanted to find myself a new home. But I am grateful for the one I have and the people who fill it. They bring me comfort and I am filled with love and gratitude when I see their smiles and hear their voices. I can't describe the feeling that I feel when I think of them other then love and peace. What a lucky girl I am to have so many people to love and who love me! There are many new faces and a new building who have come since I have been gone. I am excited to get to know them and love them all! Welcome to my home new friends! It is good to be back!

HELP!

When cleaning and organizing, does anyone else ever get down to a small little pile of random things and find they have run out of brain power to figure out a place to put it?

To All the Deborah Haters out there

I have been sorting though old boxes of high school stuff for what seems like forever! Really I just need to sit down and not stop until it's done! Anyway, I found a letter from a friend that I have kept for about ten years! I love it and thought I would share it with you.

In case you were wanting a little back ground, in high school writing letters back and forth was big with me and my friends. I had written Will Tyson a letter and he just never wrote me back. So I wrote him another letter to tell him I was annoyed by that. Granted I saw him every single day multiple times a day. HA So why him writing me a letter was so important I have NO idea! HA I remember I showed it to my mother and she laughed out loud. I was so upset because who was he to say a Deborah Hater club even possibly existed! HA I didn't get the point until much later obviously. Now I laugh every time I read it!

Day 30-a picture of you today and 3 good things that have happened to you today

So I had this plan. Today was picture day. I was going to get up, shower, spend extra time on my hair and make up, and then take a beautiful picture for my blog.

We all know that my plans ALWAYS work out perfectly! They really are the best plans if I do say so myself. This morning the alarm went off and I popped straight out of bed and into the shower singing the whole way! NOT! I pushed snooze about three times before I just turned it off completely. "Your public awaits Deborah" a little angel on my right shoulder said. Then a very attractive woman on my other shoulder who looks like This:

Said, "We're sleeping. Do us a favor and go tell the public they can keep waiting." Then we rolled over and slept for another beautiful hour! That's how it really happened. Promise.

Yeah, I'm not a morning person. So instead of the beautiful glamor shot I envisioned for today's post you get this.

Enjoy!

Picture of me today: Check
Three good things that happened to me today....Hum....Let's see....
Today was a pretty regular day. But it was a good day for sure and I was very happy!

1. I got a letter from my missionary! I just love her! Seriously, I read her letter and laughed the whole way through it. I wish everyone had the privileged of knowing Brittany. First: because she is the greatest. And second: Because then every one could laugh along with me envisioning her saying everything in her letter with her fun quirky personality!


2. I had a great time at FHE! Here's a little some thin' some thin' for you to share in the fun.

Me and my new friend Amy going head to head

3. And At 11:15 pm I my Valentine FINALLY accepted my invitation to be my Valentine! He was pretty late, but what can I expect? He's a hot MES!

This concludes the 30 day challenge! Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! I know I did.

Dear Readers

     It is so nice to know that there is some one out there reading my blog. I enjoy hearing comments like, "I love reading your blog!" or "I've been keeping up with your blog!" It keeps me blogging knowing that some one is actually reading it and enjoying what I have to say. Today is the last day of the 30 day challenge! (Finally!) I apologize for my late posts the last few days but today is also going to be a late post. The topic is a picture of you today and 3 things that happened to you today. Since it is about 1:30 in the morning I am not about to take a picture of myself and really nothing has happened yet.  Check in with me in 15 hours.

So Basically I am blogging you to tell you I will blog you later! Love ya! Call me!

Day 29-3 Wishes

Here's a quick one for you!

Three wishes......

MY first wish is to have unlimited wishes!
My second wish is to have unlimited funds to travel and do humanitarian service missions.

My third wish is to make dairy good for you!

And because I have unlimited wishes my fourth wish is to be able to hold my little hot mes of a nephew whenever I want to!

That's all for now.

Day 28-Something that stresses you out

I've never been good with choices. It stresses me out to have to make the right choice between many things. I will go back and forth between the options weighing them out until I have driven myself AND everyone around me CRAZY! Let me tell you! Going to the drive-through is a nightmare! There are 5 cars full of hungry people behind me and a tired employee all wanting me to make 5 decisions right then and there. What do I want? Do I want to make it a meal? Do I want it biggie sized or regular? Do I want curly or regular fries? Ranch, honey mustard, caesar, or blue cheese? And to top it off what to drink? Talk about pressure! I always feel very proud of myself driving away having just made all those decisions so quickly.

What is behind this stress? I of course want to make the right choice. I want to make the one that will help the most people. Last Tuesday I was exhausted! It was time to go to institute but I really didn't have the energy to go. Seriously I agonized whether I should go or not! I was really tired but what if there was some one there that needed me? What if I needed to hear the message that night? It took a lot of energy deciding what to do.

So choices? Yeah they stress me out.

If you thought the post was over and have stopped reading that's fine. But for the others who are not sick of hearing from me, another thing that stresses me out is running into exes. Even though I break things off....... I guess it's the uncomfortable feeling and not knowing what they are thinking at the moment is what gets to me. Last night I was in Mr Moment of Weakness's end of town for an institute activity and seriously, the thought of running into him made me want to wet my pants! Well that is until I gave myself "the talk". It goes something like this.

"Deborah, you are being ridiculous! You are amazing and you don't care what he thinks. You are going to walk in there and all heads will turn! Because you're going to keep telling yourself that you are the hottest girl there and every man in that room wants you". Granted it may not be true, but it gives me that little boost of confidence to get me through the anxious moment. So there's my little secret for you! Even though I don't believe it, when I am feeling uncomfortable I am telling myself things like "They'd be crazy not to hire you", "you are totally funny!", or "you are the best public speaker of all time!" Try it! It works!

Day 27-Pets

I have decided, I am not really a big fan of pets. When I was younger I LOVED them! This was very first pet. Her name was precious. I had begged and begged my daddy for a little kitty and one day he brought her home. She was perfect and I loved her! Poor thing.

This is our latest pet. Maggie. My family thinks I hate her but that's not the case. I don't hate her, I just hate her rancid breath and her ridiculous shedding. When we first got her I worked at Victoria's Secret and I was required to wear black suits to work. Maggie sheds like it is her job and her hair was EVERYWHERE! It drove me crazy and to this day I have an intense disgust of her light fur all over me! But truth be told she is really sweet when you can't smell her.

Day 24-Something you've learned-Better late then never

    I don't know if any one noticed but day 24 was missing. When it came time to write the post I could not think of one blasted thing "I had learned!" I had just graduated from college for goodness sakes. Haven't I learned something? May be it was the lack of direction. Some thing I had learned from what? What arena was I supposed to draw my nugget of knowledge from? I digress. I have thought of something and am ready to dispense this something now. I hope I can express it adequately.

    Something that has been on my mind recently, and has been apparent through out my entire life, is the fact that Heavenly Father always puts the right people in my path at the right times in my life. It is either to help me through whatever challenge I face or for me to help them. I was reminded of that tonight after I got off the phone with my best friend. I just spent the last hour and a half pouring my soul out to my her. She had a lot of others things she needed to do tonight but she sat there and listened to me and now I feel a little more healed.
     I am grateful for those people who take the time to serve me and to love me. I am grateful that Heavenly Father knows me well enough to know what I need and sends me someone who can provide that.

So this is what I've learned.

     I have learned that it is so important to allow other people to serve you. It can be challenging as well as very humbling to accept help, but there are great benefits and blessings that come for everyone involved. When you accept help from others in a way you are sharing your troubles and sharing your burdens with them. When you do not allow others to serve you you are isolating yourself and saying, "Nope. I can carry this huge load on my own." Who wants to be isolated anyway.
     When I serve others I develop a love for that person. I create a bond with them that I value because of service they allowed me to give them. I also feel good about myself and I am better able to feel the spirit. When one does not accept service from others they are denying other the opportunity and blessings of feel those things and showing them love. So really, you are providing a service to them by allowing them to serve you! ;)
   What a great plan heavenly father has! He did not put us on this earth to go it alone. We have wonderful people around us to help lift us and carry the burdens we have. It makes life so much easier when you distribute that weight. What a happy and fulfilling way to live your life!

Day 26-Picture of your family

I've posted a TON of pictures of my family! But you want more? ok. I think though, instead of my immediate family who you all are very familiar with I will post pictures of my cousins! I love them! They are my favorite people! I have many more fabulous cousins (over 30) but it turns out I don't have many pictures of them and I am to lazy to go get some and scan them to the computer. They are all wonderful though!

Spencer loves his picture taken! Especially if it's with me (his favorite cousin)

When they're around the party NEVER stops! ;)

Cutest picture of all time!

This is my Grandpa. Not my cousin. Just in case you were wondering

Hannah's baby shower!

Sure do love and miss you Mark!

Day 25-A photo of something that means a lot to you

I have a lot of stuff. When my parents moved me from my apartment in Idaho to the east coast my mom thought, "We can fly out and bring extra bags to fit all your stuff in".... My dad thought "we can bring the van and there will be plenty of room to spare!"

 This is a picture of the van from the front seat. They took the back seats out and left only the captain chairs that Rach and my mom are sitting in. The rest of the van was packed from top to bottom and I still left things behind. My father says I am a pack rat. I say, I've been living on my own for 7 years! However if I had to choose only a few things from everything in that van this is what I would choose. Probably even over my scriptures! Those are replaceable (and of course I have them memorized!), but these are not.

I take these things every where I go and to every place I move. The bear and the necklace were gifts that were given to me by very dear friends of mine. I wear that necklace on very special occasions or when I need a little extra comfort or strength. The photo albums contain pictures of people that I love and adore. I love looking at these pictures over and over again. And the picture frame.....It is usually displayed in my room or in my living room and people are always asking me who that little boy is. And so I tell them. He's one of my best friends' baby. I love him and think it's one of the cutest pictures ever. He is actually much older now but it reminds me of happy things and so I keep it in there. Actually it also reminds me of a time I went to go get my picture taken as a 7 year old. The photographer told me to think of something that made me happy and I thought of kittens. I don't really know why but that picture reminds me of that story.

The only thing missing from this picture is a notebook of letters between me and my friend Leslie that I had saved for years. It got lost in my move out to Rexburg January 2008 and I have been heart broken about it ever since. I would probably pay quite a bit of money to have them back. So to you out there in the universe who may have found that notebook! I am willing to pay if you just send it back to me.

And there you have it. A picture of things that mean a lot to me.

Day 23-Favorite vacation

I feel like I have already blogged about my favorite vacation. Some of these topics at the end of the list here are seeming a little redundant. So after discussing it with my editor and trusted adviser, I have decided to just talk about my dream vacation.

Really my dream vacation would to be to backpack through the world!

 I met some people while hiking the volcano in Guatemala who were doing exactly that and it has been a dream for me ever since. They found packages where you could get like 5 plane tickets for a certain amount of money and they chose where those tickets stopped.

So I would start in London and then travel through the European countries by bus and train and then catch another plane to like Africa and follow the pattern. Obviously I haven't planned it all out but I am not one to really plan every single detail out anyway. Maybe when I graduate grad school I will do it! How awesome would that be?!

Can't you just see me doing THIS?!?! I can!

 I would love to stay in hostels and meet new people!

A picture of some random hostel in Paris.

It's amazing how little you have to spend and bring on a trip like this. I would only bring a backpack and whatever I could fit inside it. I love eating at little cafes or street vendors which keeps the cost of food much lower then going to a restaurant. One day....One day.

Day 22-Favorite city

My favorite city.... Well, after living in Rexburg, Idaho I've realized I am definitely a city girl! I much prefer the city to country but I still love the wide open spaces and beautiful scenery the country provides. Which is why I LOVE Columbia. There are things to do and places to go. I don't have to drive forever just to go to the mall but there are still so many beautiful open areas and you have the country feel. Ok, I don't know why I wrote all of that because my original response was going to be

NYC

 My favorites always change, but right now my favorite city is NYC. I was just there a few weeks ago and coming form Rexburg to New York City was like night and day. I loved the lights, the people, the transportation, the restaurants, oh and the night life! (Night life doesn't exist after curfew in Rexburg). So there you have it. My favorite City. I am so excited to go back!

Day 21-Your love life

***Sorry this post did not appear yesterday. It was written. It just wasn't posted. Much like the 50 written letters in my drawer that are written....just aren't mailed.***

I'll admit, this post is the one that has given me the most grief the past 21 days. What do I write? How much to share? I can't seem like this.... but if I say that I will look like....

Tonight I was inspired! And now I say HECK with it! I am going to say whatever I want and you are welcome to interpret it however you please. Honestly is the best policy, right?

To be honest I am hard to get. There. I said it. OK?

I  know pretty quickly if I am interested or not and usually it's not. If one is lucky enough to keep my attention, they usually only last about 3 weeks. Usually after three weeks he is completely in love and I am thoroughly freaked out. If that is not the case usually he still likes me and I am uninterested.

Why does it take so much to keep my interest you ask? I think I have it figured out but at the moment I can't really put it into words. One has to have a certain quality. I have to see something desirable in them that makes me want to see more. And after that? Well you've got to make me wonder a little bit.  All too often guys lay it out on the table and make me feel like they really are into me before I have even figured out what I want for dinner that night.  I have broken way to many hearts to find that appealing.  (I have to remind myself that in this post I don't care what I sound like because right now I am worried I am sounding a little arrogant.) Nonetheless, because I have the problem of men falling for me without the feeling being mutual, I find it easier to just end it quickly.

With that said, I am ready to settle down. I have dated and played the field enough! I have known for a while that I would be older than 25 when I got married. Because of this I have been very content living my life and accomplishing my goals as an independent single.  But now I want to experience a permanent man in my life. I am ready to be able to identify with all my friends who swap recipes, housecleaning, and diapering advice.

This brings my to my current love life. Or in better words, my last dating experience and definitely a moment of weakness. I no longer am dating this kid, he didn’t even make it to the three week mark. (but he didn't last for other reasons then the ones I described above) When I tried to think of how to describe this relationship to you, it just came out in a letter. For those of you who know this man I refer to as my moment of weakness this will make complete sense. For those who haven't....Well, I'll explain more detail later. Enjoy.

Dear Moment of Weakness,

       You're one I've never been able to figure out. I think that's one reason it is so easy for you to get to me. It's why I am so drawn to you and always come back to give it one more shot. I want to understand what goes on in that head of yours. You are like an experiment that I just can’t figure out.

       For about a year now you have been making attempts to get me to date you. Sometimes they were half fast attempts but at least you were consistent. It was the only thing I've ever seen you be consistent about. You said, "Let's make this work Deb. I mean that". I knew who was going to do all the work. But the thing that got me was the honesty and vulnerability you showed for the first time in 8 years. I said ok
  

Oh moment of weakness, do you even know HOW to put effort into something? My new blog friend Kayla put it best when she said, "Sometimes, it's a curse to get things you don't have to work for (in this case, he is cursed). I have decided I will never be able to hold a healthy relationship with someone when I have to do all the work." Once again I found myself doing all the driving, doing all the visiting, doing all the communicating, and doing all the work. You told me once we would go well together because I am you in a female form. I sure hope not.
 

The reality is I am Deborah Allred. I date men. Not children. I don't put up with pouting. I don't have tolerance for feeling like you'll spend time with me when it's convenient. If I want to have an adult conversation I expect to have it. If I share that you hurt my feelings I expect you to act like you care. It has been very uncharacteristic of me to even agree to such  commitment with you. You told me your goal was to get married this year. Well......Good luck with that.

From,

Me

Day 20-Nicknames

This will be a quick one so no stress.

I've never been big into nick names although I have had quite a few in my time. I LOVE my own given name and I LOVE hearing people say it. But then again who doesn't. Maybe because I think this is why I prefer to call people by their full name or their First and middle names at least. It is very common to hear me answer the phone and say ,"Donald Kelly, how in the world are you!" or "Tressa Lee, I am so glad you called me." Some people take a while to get used to it but I think secretly they love it!

Back to my nicknames. I have gone by:
Cookie
Funky Monkey
There was turtle something or other....
Deb
De' Bra Allred
Babe (gag me with a spatula. I obviously have developed a bad taste in my mouth for this one)
Hot lips (yeah I was in middle school and no I hadn't kissed anyone yet)
Hot Mamma (We went through a phase where everything had hot in front of it)
Dream Girl
Mahi Mahi
Utah ;)

But the one that that has really stuck and is the only other one I naturally respond to besides my name is Beti.

This name was given to me by the J-squad (I'm including Lindz, Ricky, and Texas in that category) when I moved to Maryland. They were very welcoming and everyone (except for the original J-squaders I think) had nicknames.

The J-Squad. Julie, Jana, Jessica

 Jana was trying to get my number the first sunday I came to church and was in a hurry to get to her family before they left her. She asked me what I wanted my name to be and said it had to be short because she didn't have time to type it all into her phone. This was before the days of T-9 when you had to put in a letter and wait for the phone to clear so you could put in the next letter. I was trying to think fast and said Betty! So she typed in Beti and that is what I was known by in the ward until I graduated high school. The bishop's wife still calls me Beti to this day and I LOVE it.

Day 19-Something you miss

Today is Day 19: Something Someone you miss.

The other day I thought, "I really miss my Grandma Norton."

She was such a wonderful woman! Like many people I have very fond memories of going to my grandma's house. My summer vacations as a young child were full of slumber parties at grandma's house, shopping with grandma, singing with grandma, laughing with grandma. I loved listening to her stories. I always knew she loved us (her grandchildren). As I got older I remember having great conversations with her. I loved talking to her and I loved her.She was one funny woman!

My grandmother died when I was 17 years old. Many times since then I have wished she were here to encourage me, to listen to me, or just be there. I love her very much and can't wait to see her again one day.

Day 18-Something you regret

I don't know if talking about things I regret is a good thing or a bad thing...but here we go.

I am lucky to not have may regrets in life. I am not one of those people who says, "I live my life to have no regrets!" Because really, that is not possible. You're human. You make mistakes. And you will regret it. I say I don't have many regrets because I have worked through a lot of my mistakes and have made amends. There comes a time when you just have to realize you are going to make mistakes and become ok with that. However, there are things I have done that I feel like no matter how much I apologize or try to make up for I can't fix.There is pain that I caused and can't take away.

You see, when I was little I had a bit of an attitude/temper. My nickname at girl's camp was spitfire and there was good reason. People always said that I was a sweet little girl and had such a good heart, which was nice. I mean what a sweet little face right?

1st grade

But what those adults didn't know was if you got me mad/annoyed enough heaven help you.

What I regret are the horribly mean words that I said to a few fellow children. At the time I didn't think before I spoke (I sometimes have a problem with that) and I would say whatever would wound the person I was battling the most. When I look back and think about the possible long term and short term damage my words may have done and the hurt I know they caused, my heart breaks. I wish I could go back and redo those moments. There are specific people I have in mind that instead of yelling at and berating, I would give anything to go back and tell them how wonderful they are and what good people they will grow up to be, and how much I will love and adore them in the future. I wish I could go back and take those words back and repair what I took from their self esteem. Those words are the things I regret the most. That hurt I wish I could take away forever.

A quote that now I try to remember when situations arise where I could say something I regret is, "We are not only our brother's keeper; in countless and small ways we are our brother's maker." -Bonaro Overstreet

Day 17-Something you're looking forward to

Every one needs some time to look forward to! If you don't have something get something! Even if it's just going shopping with out the kids that is something good enough.

I am looking forward to starting my field work with the UMB. I will be doing counseling a little more and getting wonderful experience. I will also be that much closer to my master's degree! WAAAHOO!

I am looking forward to holding my little nephew of course! Oh it kills me that Utah is so far away.

Oh! and I am looking forward to my mother coming back and to finding a full time J. O. B.

There you have it. My post for today. What are you looking forward to?