Greetings from El Salvador

Hi Blogging World!

For the last 6 days I have been out of the internet loop. I have not checked my email, blog, and (brace your selves) facebook! I didn´t plan to either. However it is monday night and that means it was time for me to write Tressa. I am not about to let being in a forgin country stop me from sending her a hello. But once I got on my email it was just second nature to type in facebook.com and by the time I realized what I was doing it was to late. So I figured I might as well blog too.

I am here in El Salvador and having quite the time! The poor man in the lobby of our hotel, I am sure, wants me to make this quick...so I will try. It has been over 4 years since last time I was here eating real papusas and shewing away stray chuchos. I thought I knew quite a bit about El Salvador, but on this trip I have seen a side to El Salvador that I have never seen before. I have been back less then a week but it feels like it´s been two. This trip has been extremely enriching but also mentally draining. Holy cow! My eyes have been opened to the corruption in the government and the injustice I did not know was happening when was here last running around with the orphans. (They don´t talk about politics much.) It´s hard to hear and take in. Especially about a country that I love so much. But I have been inspired by the resiliency of the human spirit and the wonderful things that can happen when people work together for a common good.

I am so grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. I am grateful for the safety and comfort it has given me. It gives me something to hold on to in times I have lost all other hope. It also seems to be something the people of this country have clung to as well. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints is the true church and I am so grateful for the prophets guidance and leadership.

Anyway, there will be pictures to come of course. I have had a fabulous time and wont come back the same person.

I believe in being strong

Disclaimer: This post is just for me to vent. You see, my regular therapist decided to up and leave to California for 18 months to go save souls and help people. Really? REALLY?! And so my dear blog, I turn to you. To the readers of this blog, don't stress. I am ok. I just need to vent. 

The last few months I have been completely and utterly overwhelmed with life. I feel like I am not living. I am just surviving. My mind set has been focused on just getting through the week. When Sunday night comes I think, “It’s time to start it all over again already?” I don't know what exactly has changed except I feel more stressed, more tired, and everything is so much harder for me to handle. The adversary is also working hard on me. He seems to  be pointing out all my weaknesses regularly, making my goals seem so unachievable. I am tired and it's been rough. 

I keep thinking, Deborah just keep pushing through until graduation. You can make it. Things will get easier and you will have more time. But lets be honest folks. I hear things only get busier and faster paced as life goes on. If that's really the case I say, "Stop the bus! I am going back home to bed".

Yes it is true. Life is hard for me right now but let me tell you I am grateful (or at least trying to be). First, I am sure that Heavenly father is just preparing me for something better later on down the line. He has to be. And the second, he still sends me tender mercies to show me that he knows who I am. For example, Sunday on a whim I decided to go with Amy to a singles ward in northern Virginia. It's like a mini Provo on the east coast. The thought of going usually makes me want to gag myself with a spatula. But I sucked it up and drove the hour down there. My mind wandered as I sat through the meetings. Then after church there was a girl who came up to Amy and me and asked us to tell her our life stories. Amy went first. Then this girl said "Yep! That's what I thought you would say. I have a sense about people and I can usually tell what kind of people they are". It was my turn and I told her there really wasn't much to me. I was going to grad school for social work and that was about it. She said, "I knew it! I didn't know exactly what you were doing like I did with Amy, but I knew that you are a really kind and caring person. People come to you and there is healing." I don't know exactly how true it is, but I'd like to think she had me down. I feel like Heavenly Father was working through her to remind me that he still knows me and to hang in there.

Again, this week has been rough. It has brought new challenges as is typical with each week. I cried, I vented, and then I picked myself up to keep going. My adjustment to the different things this last semester has brought is not over, but I know it will all be ok. Heavenly Father has already stilled and comforted my heart. 

In my office I have two quotes by Audrey Hepburn. I love Audrey Hepburn. They inspire me and I hope they inspire my clients. (That's why I have them in my office). The first one says,

"NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. THE WORD ITSELF SAYS 'I'M POSSIBLE'."

The second one is on my desk and I look at it often. It pretty much sums up my philosophies on life.

“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.”

Whenever I read "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong...I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles" it reminds me that even though life is kind of rough right now, I can do it.