Dear family, friends, and stalkers,
It seems to me that when I need to use my time wisely the most it actually happens the least. I have so much to do and yes, I only checked one thing off my list today. This month of December has FLOWN by while jam packed with big exciting events. There have been temple trips, birthdays, graduations, weddings, and silliness all before Christmas! It's late and I am too tired to write about them all (they each deserve their own post). Therefore ladies and germs I give you:
My life according to a camera phone!
"I love to see the temple!"
Me and my fellow camera hog!
Someone stole my camera! But secretly I love it!
My office Before
My office after (still in progress. I've spent less then $100 and it feels good!)
This song is what I have been listening to for the last few the last few days. Whenever I start to feel down or sorry for myself I quickly turn on Happy by Never Shout Never to combat the feeling. Actually I listen to this song all the time! It is one of my favorite love songs. Much more my style. I can not listen to this song with out smiling and singing along at the top of my lungs. It just makes me....Happy!
Everyone needs a happy song. And if this song doesn't work I turn pull out the big guns! I turn on The Cuppy Cake Song. No one-I don't care who you are- NO ONE can listen to this song and not smile. Happy Smiling!
Disclaimer: This post is just for me to vent. You see, my regular therapist decided to up and leave to California for 18 months to go save souls and help people. Really? REALLY?! And so my dear blog, I turn to you. To the readers of this blog, don't stress. I am ok. I just need to vent.
The last few months I have been completely and utterly overwhelmed with life. I feel like I am not living. I am just surviving. My mind set has been focused on just getting through the week. When Sunday night comes I think, “It’s time to start it all over again already?” I don't know what exactly has changed except I feel more stressed, more tired, and everything is so much harder for me to handle. The adversary is also working hard on me. He seems to be pointing out all my weaknesses regularly, making my goals seem so unachievable. I am tired and it's been rough.
I keep thinking, Deborah just keep pushing through until graduation. You can make it. Things will get easier and you will have more time. But lets be honest folks. I hear things only get busier and faster paced as life goes on. If that's really the case I say, "Stop the bus! I am going back home to bed".
Yes it is true. Life is hard for me right now but let me tell you I am grateful (or at least trying to be). First, I am sure that Heavenly father is just preparing me for something better later on down the line. He has to be. And the second, he still sends me tender mercies to show me that he knows who I am. For example, Sunday on a whim I decided to go with Amy to a singles ward in northern Virginia. It's like a mini Provo on the east coast. The thought of going usually makes me want to gag myself with a spatula. But I sucked it up and drove the hour down there. My mind wandered as I sat through the meetings. Then after church there was a girl who came up to Amy and me and asked us to tell her our life stories. Amy went first. Then this girl said "Yep! That's what I thought you would say. I have a sense about people and I can usually tell what kind of people they are". It was my turn and I told her there really wasn't much to me. I was going to grad school for social work and that was about it. She said, "I knew it! I didn't know exactly what you were doing like I did with Amy, but I knew that you are a really kind and caring person. People come to you and there is healing." I don't know exactly how true it is, but I'd like to think she had me down. I feel like Heavenly Father was working through her to remind me that he still knows me and to hang in there.
Again, this week has been rough. It has brought new challenges as is typical with each week. I cried, I vented, and then I picked myself up to keep going. My adjustment to the different things this last semester has brought is not over, but I know it will all be ok. Heavenly Father has already stilled and comforted my heart.
In my office I have two quotes by Audrey Hepburn. I love Audrey Hepburn. They inspire me and I hope they inspire my clients. (That's why I have them in my office). The first one says, "NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE. THE WORD ITSELF SAYS 'I'M POSSIBLE'." The second one is on my desk and I look at it often. It pretty much sums up my philosophies on life.
“I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.” Whenever I read "I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong...I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles" it reminds me that even though life is kind of rough right now, I can do it.
When life seems to be always moving it is so easy to get distracted and caught up in the rush. I know that is an all to often occurrence for me. I begin to think about the next thing I have to do or meeting I have to attend. And then, when I am in that meeting I am thinking about my to do list and mentally adding more things to accomplish then is humanly possible. I mean I am good and I know it, but I am not that good. ;) This kind of life makes it hard to live in the present and enjoy the here and now.
Everyone has been talking about Elder Uchtdorf's General relief society talk. Yes, it was good. Yes, it was historic. And yes, it was exactly what I needed to hear on that very day. I needed to be reminded by an apostle of the Lord to be patient with myself, to be happy now, and that my heavenly father loves me. He spoke about a few other things and for those of you who missed it, here is a highlight from his talk that summarizes the whole thing. Enjoy!
And in the spirit of being happy now, here is a list of things that have made me happy this week.
1. Hearing my name said by anyone one of those six boys. I love that they know my name and I love that they want to say some thing to ME! I taught Mr. Super when I ask, "Who's the best?" to say, "Deborah's the best" and I love it! Really having them come up and sit next to me makes me happy and helps me be in the moment cuz they are just so great!
2. I love watching and listening to my clients figure out their own problems and accomplish things that move them forward. I have one girl in particular who when we begin our session becomes her own therapist. She literally will answer the exact question I had just opened my mouth to ask before I ask it. I think she just needs a couch to sit on, but it is wonderful and it makes me SO happy!
3. I love love love getting letters from Tressa! I don't think I have one letter that I haven't started laughing after the first two sentences. Seriously. It is the highlight of my week.
4. Talking to Rachel about...School and the ACT and how great she is doing makes me happy. I love building a relationship with her.
5. Getting calls from a friend who just wants/needs to talk makes me happy. I love that she knows she can and feels comfortable enough calling me to tell me about her life. I love making and having girl friends! I don't have as many close girl friends as I do close guy friends but I treasure them greatly!
6. Feeling the spirit and getting explanations for certain questions I have makes me happy. I finally have a little bit of clarity!
7. Driving alone at night to a friend's house makes me happy. It takes me back to days with less responsibility and worry.
8. Feeling fall coming on makes me happy. To me, it is a very romantic time of year. I think it's the one time I feel particularly mushy.
9. Learning I am going to go back to El Salvador in January! Oh yes, this is going to be great!
10. Chillen with the rents makes me happy as well. (holy moly! I haven't heard or used that term in a loooong time!) I really do like them. I like that I am an adult and have a more developed frontal lobe to help me realize.....they do know what they are talking about and they are people I can relate to. Take that human behavior 101! I did learn a thing or two!
