Those who have known me for a while know of the tragic mistake I made in Middle school. I let my older sister cut my hair (no, that wasn't the tragic part), and in an irrational, spontaneous moment I had her cut my hair pixie short (this was the tragic part). After being mistaken for a boy time after time and soon feeling terribly unfeminine, it took me three years to grow it out again and ever since I would not cut it above my shoulders. It became some what of a security blanket to me. And I'll be honest and admit I felt that my hair was what made me beautiful. I have been thinking lately that I would like to donate my hair and today I decided that now would be as good of time as any. I made an apointment at a salon and cut the ties to my hair. (12 inches!) It is short and it is going to take some getting used to. And Honestly I do feel a bit of insecurity without the long locks I rocked before today.


(The traditional I am sad and miserable and I really need a make over "before picture")

I was filling out the donation form for locks of love, an organization who makes wigs with real human hair for children suffering from cancer, and I was thinking about the little children who would soon be rocking my locks now instead. I wondered if it would be a little boy or girl and how old they might be. I can't donate an organ to them right now or something that really need and could save their life, but I can give them a little of my "security". My heart really does go out to that little child and I feel a strange connection and love for the child I don't know who will soon carry a piece of me with them every day until it becomes theirs. I wish I could do more for them and reach out to them and let them know that everything will be okay. I hope they are able to feel that. As I look in the mirror and feel a tiny bit of sadness over the loss of my hair it is immediately swept away by my hopes that soon a child will be able to look in the mirror and feel a 22 year old girl's love for them.


(the I am so happy and beautiful and really glad I had a make over "after picture")

Goodbye Business suits, Hello Khakis

I am really excited tonight! I got a promotion about a week or so ago to operations senior, and honestly I wasn't to thrilled about it. I used to work in customer service and got sick of ticked off customers and supervisors who weren't that great. So I moved to Magnolia Home Theater to be an admin where a sharpie is pretty much my most prized and coveted possession. Now I am one of those supervisors in opps minus the not so great part. (cuz I pretty much rock) I am going to have to find a way to put energy into a department that has been pretty much anemic when it comes to energy and pride in what they do. Plus we are about to start the holiday season which is also crazy time for ops. Anyway, tonight things were slow in Magnolia and I wandered over to customer service. (actually they asked me to translate for a Spanish customer which was a lot of fun! I failed miserably, but it was fun to try until the real Spanish speaking employees stepped up) I hung around and talked to a few of the people I had left behind to move to Magnolia and I found myself being energized from them! I miss laughing and joking with them! And now I am so excited to go back to Opps. HA We'll see if I am singing the same tune Monday when I start training at 6 AM!!!!

Magnolia, it was wonderful to represent you for the last year but it is now time for me to kiss my sharpie goodbye and say hello to the Best buy blues one more time.

lesson 1: Optimism is addicting

Well I am sitting where I find myself far to often. At the computer reading other's blogs, on facebook, or trying to catch up on emails. As the minute hand on the clock makes it's rounds the list of things I should be doing instead of wasting time on the computer grows and grows. But today I am going to fold that list and put it away for the next few minutes so I can update my blog. I don't do it often because now that people come to visit I feel that I have to write something entertaining....and well that's a lot of pressure. I found the blog of one of my good friends from El Salvador today and it inspired me to write. She is one of my new favorite people, even though I know I probably wont see her again. I am grateful for those people that are brought into your life, even if it is for a very short time, who make things just a little better.

I have fond memories of this friend and I sandwiched between a scary bus driver with a mustache and an old lady holding her granddaughter on the front seat of the bus riding home from a very long day. We both would be exhausted and vent the hard things that happened that day or the inadequacies we often felt. Her optimism and choice to always assume the best was addicting. I hope that I didn't wear her out by coming to her time after time to get her always positive opinion on things when I just needed a boost. She is one of the funniest people I know and I always enjoyed myself when she is around.


To Maclaine:
Thanks for the wonderful flavor you added to our group in El Salvador. Some of my favorite memories include talking about boys the whole way home from the volcano (some thing she and I hadn't done for about 5 weeks), or laying on the roof cursing the clouds for ruining our hopes of a last minute tan, or who could forget our very exhilarating adventure our last night in El Salvador at the beach!

I have been blessed to know so many amazing and interesting people. All to often I get to know some one new that I want to share with the whole world because I think they are that cool. I am glad that I can learn so much from them and hopefuly make myself a little better. This week my goal is to apply a few things I learned from Macliane. 1) never take life to seriously and 2)always look on the bright side and assume the best about people.

Change and Adventure

You Are a Tulip

You have a wild, experimental side that craves change. You often switch jobs and lovers, always looking for something better. But deep down, you're also very well grounded and content. And you will come to know that the life you live is already ideal.

What Flower Are You?

This was on Abby's blog and I wanted to know what kind of flower I would be. So I took the quiz and I love the results! It's funny because they pretty much hit the nail on the head. As I think over my week I can't help but laugh at myself because of the drama created in just my own head over new jobs, boys, and old friends. Over the course of five days I have stressed out over tests for school, Driven my co-workers CRAZY over "what I am going to do about going to BYU-Idaho in January if I get the promotion I applied for" and I've given myself a few wrinkles stressing about the boy I have no interest in, driving hours from his home to mine just to go on a date and what I need to do to not lead him on in any way! Add on a few Hours of sleeping eating and going back and forth in my mind about whether I should wear a dress to work or slacks and you have my week. I am exhausted!

I am trying to teach my self to be a little more decisive and less dramatic, but it's slow going. When I sit down and think about it I do love the adventure that moving brings but I also hate the insecurities that follow close behind it. Really all in all life is great and I am so glad I am where I am right now. I am so young and I have so much to learn and I am surrounded by so many amazing people who can teach me!

I am back home in the states now and all I can think about is El Salvador! I loved being there and it has been quite a shock being back home in real life! I will be honest, it is nice to have hot showers and a car to drive but I have noticed some changes in my habits.

I find myself ALWAYS wearing my chaos for fear I might catch something from walking around barefoot.

I can't sleep at night because my bed is to soft

I get scared that I am going to burn myself right before I get in the warm shower

I miss the chicken buses and the time it took to get places.

The first radio station I turn to is the Spanish station (even though I don't understand half of what they are saying)

I can't go anywhere without my backpack, water bottle, and something to eat during the day.

I hoard all the change I can find...Hey that's a bus ride home!!

I feel naked with out my bracelets

I have to think twice before I speak now or instinctively I will use what little Spanish I know instead of English.

It's been quite the adventure coming back to reality but I can tell you that I do not miss the dang bichos!! (bugs) One day I counted and I had 26 bug bites on just one of my legs (and that was below the knee)


Gross Huh?

It has been wonderful to get emails from my English student in El Salvador. Today I was wishing that my boys from CISNA had internet access because I want so badly to have a way to tell them how much I miss them. I made so many wonderful friends while I was there!

There is the Tin Lady who made her living selling tin pans she made.



My hippie friend Luis



Or who could forget Running Carlos?



Some times I wish I could have brought them all home with me. But then again I when I think about them I am imediately taken back to the day the tin lady would not stop throwing tin in my bag, or the day Luis was trying to talk me into the idea I would rather be a tree, and it is like they are here with me.

Memories from CISNA

The boys at CISNA are a ton of fun also. I love how as soon as we walk in the gates they come running yelling “Tia, Tia, Tia!!!” It is sometimes pretty frustrating to not be able to speak with them and tell them how much I care about them but at the same time it is great just to be there with them and have fun kicking the futbul around (which always turns into keep away from “Devora”. That’s me for those of you who do not understand English spoken with the crazy thick accent) I love it when they come to me with a new bracelet they have made for me or when they try to teach me English. It is fun to play with these boys who have spent their lives up to that point on the streets begging for money or stealing to eat. There are a few boys at CISNA who do have parents and are there because their parents can’t afford to keep them at home. They send them to CISNA so they can at least be fed. It is pretty hard on those boys. I will always remember the day I really got to know Edwardo. (one of the boys who has parents.) It was my second time there and I was still pretty timid around the boys and with my Spanish. I would mostly just sit there and smile. I came over to another volunteer who spoke Spanish and who was sitting with one of the boys. I looked down at his arm and remembered hearing about this boy before I came that day. He and his two younger brothers Henry and Diego are there because their parents could not afford to keep them. This is really hard for Edwardo and yet it doesn’t seem to phase the two younger boys. Just the day before he carved his parents initials into his arm because he was so upset about it that day. The other volunteer was called away leaving Edwardo and I alone together. He seemed rather down that day and he put his head down in the volunteer’s back pack that she had left behind for him to hold and started to cry. There really was much I could do because I couldn’t speak to him and he didn’t want to talk anyway. I will always remember the day I met Edwardo and held him while he cried about missing his parents.

The CISNA boys are such a trip though. Now that I am comfortable with them and they feel the same with me, Edwardo will come and do my hair or bite me on the neck (which is really weird) or Henry will come and poke me until I chase him around. One day I chased him and he ran up a tree that was kind on slanted and once he got to the top he was to scared to come down. Or there is oscar or Juan who will sit with me all day and follow me where ever I go and are so patient as I try to learn Spanish. I love being with those boys.

Special needs

Today in the special ed room. Hollan and I finished the preparations for painting that we had begun the day before. It got to the point where it was only a one person job and Hollan was that one person. This left me with a ton of free time on my hands. I have never considered myself….how can I put this the best. I guess the best way would to say that I do not have much experience with mental disabilities and so have not thought myself to be very good with people who suffer from them. But over the last few days my mind has started to be opened and as I find myself interacting with these children I can’t help but fall madly in love with theirs smiles and laughs and warm greetings. I sat today and played with tonito. I am not quite sure what his disability is but I had the best time with him. This is going to sound weird but he would reach out his hand and touch mine and I would pull it away and gasp! We did this over and over and that is because when I did that he would laugh and laugh and laugh. I wish I had a recording of his laugh. It was one of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard. I bet I could bottle it up and sell it as liquid happiness and make a fortune! I love making these kids smile. It is so amazing to me how they lay in their cribs all day and most of them have no ability to move because of their cerebral palsy and yet they are so optimistic and excited about life. You can see in their eyes how much they love to be touched and talked to and visited. Every time I walk in the door they are always smiling and happy and I know that they were that way before I came in.