Day 23-Favorite vacation

I feel like I have already blogged about my favorite vacation. Some of these topics at the end of the list here are seeming a little redundant. So after discussing it with my editor and trusted adviser, I have decided to just talk about my dream vacation.

Really my dream vacation would to be to backpack through the world!

 I met some people while hiking the volcano in Guatemala who were doing exactly that and it has been a dream for me ever since. They found packages where you could get like 5 plane tickets for a certain amount of money and they chose where those tickets stopped.

So I would start in London and then travel through the European countries by bus and train and then catch another plane to like Africa and follow the pattern. Obviously I haven't planned it all out but I am not one to really plan every single detail out anyway. Maybe when I graduate grad school I will do it! How awesome would that be?!

Can't you just see me doing THIS?!?! I can!

 I would love to stay in hostels and meet new people!

A picture of some random hostel in Paris.

It's amazing how little you have to spend and bring on a trip like this. I would only bring a backpack and whatever I could fit inside it. I love eating at little cafes or street vendors which keeps the cost of food much lower then going to a restaurant. One day....One day.

Day 22-Favorite city

My favorite city.... Well, after living in Rexburg, Idaho I've realized I am definitely a city girl! I much prefer the city to country but I still love the wide open spaces and beautiful scenery the country provides. Which is why I LOVE Columbia. There are things to do and places to go. I don't have to drive forever just to go to the mall but there are still so many beautiful open areas and you have the country feel. Ok, I don't know why I wrote all of that because my original response was going to be

NYC

 My favorites always change, but right now my favorite city is NYC. I was just there a few weeks ago and coming form Rexburg to New York City was like night and day. I loved the lights, the people, the transportation, the restaurants, oh and the night life! (Night life doesn't exist after curfew in Rexburg). So there you have it. My favorite City. I am so excited to go back!

Day 21-Your love life

***Sorry this post did not appear yesterday. It was written. It just wasn't posted. Much like the 50 written letters in my drawer that are written....just aren't mailed.***

I'll admit, this post is the one that has given me the most grief the past 21 days. What do I write? How much to share? I can't seem like this.... but if I say that I will look like....

Tonight I was inspired! And now I say HECK with it! I am going to say whatever I want and you are welcome to interpret it however you please. Honestly is the best policy, right?

To be honest I am hard to get. There. I said it. OK?

I  know pretty quickly if I am interested or not and usually it's not. If one is lucky enough to keep my attention, they usually only last about 3 weeks. Usually after three weeks he is completely in love and I am thoroughly freaked out. If that is not the case usually he still likes me and I am uninterested.

Why does it take so much to keep my interest you ask? I think I have it figured out but at the moment I can't really put it into words. One has to have a certain quality. I have to see something desirable in them that makes me want to see more. And after that? Well you've got to make me wonder a little bit.  All too often guys lay it out on the table and make me feel like they really are into me before I have even figured out what I want for dinner that night.  I have broken way to many hearts to find that appealing.  (I have to remind myself that in this post I don't care what I sound like because right now I am worried I am sounding a little arrogant.) Nonetheless, because I have the problem of men falling for me without the feeling being mutual, I find it easier to just end it quickly.

With that said, I am ready to settle down. I have dated and played the field enough! I have known for a while that I would be older than 25 when I got married. Because of this I have been very content living my life and accomplishing my goals as an independent single.  But now I want to experience a permanent man in my life. I am ready to be able to identify with all my friends who swap recipes, housecleaning, and diapering advice.

This brings my to my current love life. Or in better words, my last dating experience and definitely a moment of weakness. I no longer am dating this kid, he didn’t even make it to the three week mark. (but he didn't last for other reasons then the ones I described above) When I tried to think of how to describe this relationship to you, it just came out in a letter. For those of you who know this man I refer to as my moment of weakness this will make complete sense. For those who haven't....Well, I'll explain more detail later. Enjoy.

Dear Moment of Weakness,

       You're one I've never been able to figure out. I think that's one reason it is so easy for you to get to me. It's why I am so drawn to you and always come back to give it one more shot. I want to understand what goes on in that head of yours. You are like an experiment that I just can’t figure out.

       For about a year now you have been making attempts to get me to date you. Sometimes they were half fast attempts but at least you were consistent. It was the only thing I've ever seen you be consistent about. You said, "Let's make this work Deb. I mean that". I knew who was going to do all the work. But the thing that got me was the honesty and vulnerability you showed for the first time in 8 years. I said ok
  

Oh moment of weakness, do you even know HOW to put effort into something? My new blog friend Kayla put it best when she said, "Sometimes, it's a curse to get things you don't have to work for (in this case, he is cursed). I have decided I will never be able to hold a healthy relationship with someone when I have to do all the work." Once again I found myself doing all the driving, doing all the visiting, doing all the communicating, and doing all the work. You told me once we would go well together because I am you in a female form. I sure hope not.
 

The reality is I am Deborah Allred. I date men. Not children. I don't put up with pouting. I don't have tolerance for feeling like you'll spend time with me when it's convenient. If I want to have an adult conversation I expect to have it. If I share that you hurt my feelings I expect you to act like you care. It has been very uncharacteristic of me to even agree to such  commitment with you. You told me your goal was to get married this year. Well......Good luck with that.

From,

Me

Day 20-Nicknames

This will be a quick one so no stress.

I've never been big into nick names although I have had quite a few in my time. I LOVE my own given name and I LOVE hearing people say it. But then again who doesn't. Maybe because I think this is why I prefer to call people by their full name or their First and middle names at least. It is very common to hear me answer the phone and say ,"Donald Kelly, how in the world are you!" or "Tressa Lee, I am so glad you called me." Some people take a while to get used to it but I think secretly they love it!

Back to my nicknames. I have gone by:
Cookie
Funky Monkey
There was turtle something or other....
Deb
De' Bra Allred
Babe (gag me with a spatula. I obviously have developed a bad taste in my mouth for this one)
Hot lips (yeah I was in middle school and no I hadn't kissed anyone yet)
Hot Mamma (We went through a phase where everything had hot in front of it)
Dream Girl
Mahi Mahi
Utah ;)

But the one that that has really stuck and is the only other one I naturally respond to besides my name is Beti.

This name was given to me by the J-squad (I'm including Lindz, Ricky, and Texas in that category) when I moved to Maryland. They were very welcoming and everyone (except for the original J-squaders I think) had nicknames.

The J-Squad. Julie, Jana, Jessica

 Jana was trying to get my number the first sunday I came to church and was in a hurry to get to her family before they left her. She asked me what I wanted my name to be and said it had to be short because she didn't have time to type it all into her phone. This was before the days of T-9 when you had to put in a letter and wait for the phone to clear so you could put in the next letter. I was trying to think fast and said Betty! So she typed in Beti and that is what I was known by in the ward until I graduated high school. The bishop's wife still calls me Beti to this day and I LOVE it.

Day 19-Something you miss

Today is Day 19: Something Someone you miss.

The other day I thought, "I really miss my Grandma Norton."

She was such a wonderful woman! Like many people I have very fond memories of going to my grandma's house. My summer vacations as a young child were full of slumber parties at grandma's house, shopping with grandma, singing with grandma, laughing with grandma. I loved listening to her stories. I always knew she loved us (her grandchildren). As I got older I remember having great conversations with her. I loved talking to her and I loved her.She was one funny woman!

My grandmother died when I was 17 years old. Many times since then I have wished she were here to encourage me, to listen to me, or just be there. I love her very much and can't wait to see her again one day.

Day 18-Something you regret

I don't know if talking about things I regret is a good thing or a bad thing...but here we go.

I am lucky to not have may regrets in life. I am not one of those people who says, "I live my life to have no regrets!" Because really, that is not possible. You're human. You make mistakes. And you will regret it. I say I don't have many regrets because I have worked through a lot of my mistakes and have made amends. There comes a time when you just have to realize you are going to make mistakes and become ok with that. However, there are things I have done that I feel like no matter how much I apologize or try to make up for I can't fix.There is pain that I caused and can't take away.

You see, when I was little I had a bit of an attitude/temper. My nickname at girl's camp was spitfire and there was good reason. People always said that I was a sweet little girl and had such a good heart, which was nice. I mean what a sweet little face right?

1st grade

But what those adults didn't know was if you got me mad/annoyed enough heaven help you.

What I regret are the horribly mean words that I said to a few fellow children. At the time I didn't think before I spoke (I sometimes have a problem with that) and I would say whatever would wound the person I was battling the most. When I look back and think about the possible long term and short term damage my words may have done and the hurt I know they caused, my heart breaks. I wish I could go back and redo those moments. There are specific people I have in mind that instead of yelling at and berating, I would give anything to go back and tell them how wonderful they are and what good people they will grow up to be, and how much I will love and adore them in the future. I wish I could go back and take those words back and repair what I took from their self esteem. Those words are the things I regret the most. That hurt I wish I could take away forever.

A quote that now I try to remember when situations arise where I could say something I regret is, "We are not only our brother's keeper; in countless and small ways we are our brother's maker." -Bonaro Overstreet

Day 17-Something you're looking forward to

Every one needs some time to look forward to! If you don't have something get something! Even if it's just going shopping with out the kids that is something good enough.

I am looking forward to starting my field work with the UMB. I will be doing counseling a little more and getting wonderful experience. I will also be that much closer to my master's degree! WAAAHOO!

I am looking forward to holding my little nephew of course! Oh it kills me that Utah is so far away.

Oh! and I am looking forward to my mother coming back and to finding a full time J. O. B.

There you have it. My post for today. What are you looking forward to?