You loose some...you win some (and then bow out while you're ahead)

This evening I sat down next to my sisters and found myself captured by a popular TV game show. I was tied to the couch and obediently gave all my attention and precious time to the host as he created more and more suspense while the contestant wrestled whether to continue the game and risk loosing it all, or taking the money offered to him and walk away. The safe person would take the money and walk away knowing if he continued he may loose everything. But by always taking the safe route this person may be walking away and loosing out on a prize that could make his life much...richer. (not to mention it doesn't make for great TV)

The American people often thrive on the adventure and adrenaline that comes from chance and big winnings. Just take a look at our TV now a days. It started out with survivor and has lead to a plethora of game shows based solely on chance, such as deal or no deal. Or what about the crowds around the black jack table in Vegas? The Government has benefited from our suspense craving people by putting in slot machines to raise funds.

The point of my blog tonight however is not about gambling on reservations or vicariously getting our suspense fix by watching a single mother debate over making that her final answer. My point is that in life there are opportunities to take chances every single day. we take the chance, learn from them, and regroup as we prepare for the next round. Like when my dear friend (name withheld per our confidentiality agreement) took a chance choosing to eat at an unknown Chinese restaurant. He found himself by the toilet for the next two days. He has considered that experience when making the choice of where to eat since. He took a risk, learned from his experience, regrouped and headed into life one more time.

I recently took a chance on something and lost. I have thought about where my game plan went wrong and I have decided that's where I went wrong. I was sick of making game plans and placed my hand where the other player could see. I've been doing this a lot lately. Sometimes I can salvage it and sometimes I can't. It took me two rounds with this certain challenge to realize that sometimes no matter which way you approach the game, it is best to realize when you are ahead and bow out then. As I make that statement part of me disagrees very much. It amuses me how I many times, due to my unbridled nature, I get ahead of myself and want to jump into the middle of a game before it's started and that would probably be best not to start. I guess I have yet to figure out if the safe "take your money and walk", or the "keep going one more round" is the best route to take. There are other things I have yet to figure out...such as the rubiks cube or the secret to life. I guess I'll keep working on them and get back to you.

Up date

Tonight I was talking on the phone to one of my very good friends, telling him all about my adventures from El Salvador. When I started going I just couldn't stop. I hadn't told any stories in such a long time and I had started to get home sick. Later that night I remembered that I still had not emailed pictures to one of my English students that I promised I would email to her a very long time ago and started looking through the pictures I had of when I ate dinner at her house. This particular student was VERY wealthy and had a very nice home. LOL we were invited by her family to eat at her house two days before I flew back home and it was the first time I sat on a couch in some one's home while I was in El Salvador. It was funny to me when I walked in their home and saw the couch and thought....WOW! These guys are lucky! (especially because my cot on the porch had been deemed our couch during the day time)I don't want to ramble on but I was thinking about how much I have settled back into my life in the states so Quickly. I was reading an earlier post of little quirks I had coming home and I have found that most are gone. IT makes me pretty sad but I am so grateful for the experience I was able to have. I think about it every day and how grateful I am for it. Here are some fun pics from our dinner at Yascy's house.


Making Papusas!


The whole family! Grandma and all!


We sang them the isty bitsy spider in English

(ps. this will be one of the last "I miss el salvador" posts. Promise!)

Those who have known me for a while know of the tragic mistake I made in Middle school. I let my older sister cut my hair (no, that wasn't the tragic part), and in an irrational, spontaneous moment I had her cut my hair pixie short (this was the tragic part). After being mistaken for a boy time after time and soon feeling terribly unfeminine, it took me three years to grow it out again and ever since I would not cut it above my shoulders. It became some what of a security blanket to me. And I'll be honest and admit I felt that my hair was what made me beautiful. I have been thinking lately that I would like to donate my hair and today I decided that now would be as good of time as any. I made an apointment at a salon and cut the ties to my hair. (12 inches!) It is short and it is going to take some getting used to. And Honestly I do feel a bit of insecurity without the long locks I rocked before today.


(The traditional I am sad and miserable and I really need a make over "before picture")

I was filling out the donation form for locks of love, an organization who makes wigs with real human hair for children suffering from cancer, and I was thinking about the little children who would soon be rocking my locks now instead. I wondered if it would be a little boy or girl and how old they might be. I can't donate an organ to them right now or something that really need and could save their life, but I can give them a little of my "security". My heart really does go out to that little child and I feel a strange connection and love for the child I don't know who will soon carry a piece of me with them every day until it becomes theirs. I wish I could do more for them and reach out to them and let them know that everything will be okay. I hope they are able to feel that. As I look in the mirror and feel a tiny bit of sadness over the loss of my hair it is immediately swept away by my hopes that soon a child will be able to look in the mirror and feel a 22 year old girl's love for them.


(the I am so happy and beautiful and really glad I had a make over "after picture")

Goodbye Business suits, Hello Khakis

I am really excited tonight! I got a promotion about a week or so ago to operations senior, and honestly I wasn't to thrilled about it. I used to work in customer service and got sick of ticked off customers and supervisors who weren't that great. So I moved to Magnolia Home Theater to be an admin where a sharpie is pretty much my most prized and coveted possession. Now I am one of those supervisors in opps minus the not so great part. (cuz I pretty much rock) I am going to have to find a way to put energy into a department that has been pretty much anemic when it comes to energy and pride in what they do. Plus we are about to start the holiday season which is also crazy time for ops. Anyway, tonight things were slow in Magnolia and I wandered over to customer service. (actually they asked me to translate for a Spanish customer which was a lot of fun! I failed miserably, but it was fun to try until the real Spanish speaking employees stepped up) I hung around and talked to a few of the people I had left behind to move to Magnolia and I found myself being energized from them! I miss laughing and joking with them! And now I am so excited to go back to Opps. HA We'll see if I am singing the same tune Monday when I start training at 6 AM!!!!

Magnolia, it was wonderful to represent you for the last year but it is now time for me to kiss my sharpie goodbye and say hello to the Best buy blues one more time.

lesson 1: Optimism is addicting

Well I am sitting where I find myself far to often. At the computer reading other's blogs, on facebook, or trying to catch up on emails. As the minute hand on the clock makes it's rounds the list of things I should be doing instead of wasting time on the computer grows and grows. But today I am going to fold that list and put it away for the next few minutes so I can update my blog. I don't do it often because now that people come to visit I feel that I have to write something entertaining....and well that's a lot of pressure. I found the blog of one of my good friends from El Salvador today and it inspired me to write. She is one of my new favorite people, even though I know I probably wont see her again. I am grateful for those people that are brought into your life, even if it is for a very short time, who make things just a little better.

I have fond memories of this friend and I sandwiched between a scary bus driver with a mustache and an old lady holding her granddaughter on the front seat of the bus riding home from a very long day. We both would be exhausted and vent the hard things that happened that day or the inadequacies we often felt. Her optimism and choice to always assume the best was addicting. I hope that I didn't wear her out by coming to her time after time to get her always positive opinion on things when I just needed a boost. She is one of the funniest people I know and I always enjoyed myself when she is around.


To Maclaine:
Thanks for the wonderful flavor you added to our group in El Salvador. Some of my favorite memories include talking about boys the whole way home from the volcano (some thing she and I hadn't done for about 5 weeks), or laying on the roof cursing the clouds for ruining our hopes of a last minute tan, or who could forget our very exhilarating adventure our last night in El Salvador at the beach!

I have been blessed to know so many amazing and interesting people. All to often I get to know some one new that I want to share with the whole world because I think they are that cool. I am glad that I can learn so much from them and hopefuly make myself a little better. This week my goal is to apply a few things I learned from Macliane. 1) never take life to seriously and 2)always look on the bright side and assume the best about people.

Change and Adventure

You Are a Tulip

You have a wild, experimental side that craves change. You often switch jobs and lovers, always looking for something better. But deep down, you're also very well grounded and content. And you will come to know that the life you live is already ideal.

What Flower Are You?

This was on Abby's blog and I wanted to know what kind of flower I would be. So I took the quiz and I love the results! It's funny because they pretty much hit the nail on the head. As I think over my week I can't help but laugh at myself because of the drama created in just my own head over new jobs, boys, and old friends. Over the course of five days I have stressed out over tests for school, Driven my co-workers CRAZY over "what I am going to do about going to BYU-Idaho in January if I get the promotion I applied for" and I've given myself a few wrinkles stressing about the boy I have no interest in, driving hours from his home to mine just to go on a date and what I need to do to not lead him on in any way! Add on a few Hours of sleeping eating and going back and forth in my mind about whether I should wear a dress to work or slacks and you have my week. I am exhausted!

I am trying to teach my self to be a little more decisive and less dramatic, but it's slow going. When I sit down and think about it I do love the adventure that moving brings but I also hate the insecurities that follow close behind it. Really all in all life is great and I am so glad I am where I am right now. I am so young and I have so much to learn and I am surrounded by so many amazing people who can teach me!

I am back home in the states now and all I can think about is El Salvador! I loved being there and it has been quite a shock being back home in real life! I will be honest, it is nice to have hot showers and a car to drive but I have noticed some changes in my habits.

I find myself ALWAYS wearing my chaos for fear I might catch something from walking around barefoot.

I can't sleep at night because my bed is to soft

I get scared that I am going to burn myself right before I get in the warm shower

I miss the chicken buses and the time it took to get places.

The first radio station I turn to is the Spanish station (even though I don't understand half of what they are saying)

I can't go anywhere without my backpack, water bottle, and something to eat during the day.

I hoard all the change I can find...Hey that's a bus ride home!!

I feel naked with out my bracelets

I have to think twice before I speak now or instinctively I will use what little Spanish I know instead of English.

It's been quite the adventure coming back to reality but I can tell you that I do not miss the dang bichos!! (bugs) One day I counted and I had 26 bug bites on just one of my legs (and that was below the knee)


Gross Huh?

It has been wonderful to get emails from my English student in El Salvador. Today I was wishing that my boys from CISNA had internet access because I want so badly to have a way to tell them how much I miss them. I made so many wonderful friends while I was there!

There is the Tin Lady who made her living selling tin pans she made.



My hippie friend Luis



Or who could forget Running Carlos?



Some times I wish I could have brought them all home with me. But then again I when I think about them I am imediately taken back to the day the tin lady would not stop throwing tin in my bag, or the day Luis was trying to talk me into the idea I would rather be a tree, and it is like they are here with me.